I started writing positive stuff about what my special child has taught me but we’ve been having a shit time with Chrissy. So instead I’m going against the grain by telling it how it is right now after 27 years of violent outbursts blighting our lives. Chrissy is with me, nagging ‘is it dinner later mummy?’ In her hand is a damp flannel where she has been rubbing at her bloody nose, injured during a screaming outburst. On my lap is a favourite T-shirt I bought Chrissy recently & a needle & thread. I am sewing up a hole that presumably resulted from an outburst – she literally rips off her clothes when she is distressed.
Chrissy started kicking off about dinner half an hour ago, screaming: “I want dinner!” over and over & tearing around the house throwing herself around the floor & self-harming. Now, she is sitting as quiet as a mouse next to me watching me type, battle scars decorating her hands & wrists. Next, she is squeezing me with one arm around my neck, and flapping and signing ‘yes’ with the other hand, asking: “Can I have dinner mummy? Say yes.” The unpredictable Jeckyll and Hyde nature of her behaviour is very hard to describe – and the emotional effects on those of us that have to deal with it are profound. Maybe that’s the downside of the empathy you need to support her by seeing the world through her eyes…
I'm sending you a big hug Jane, you are dealing with a lot of stuff I don't have to deal with.
ReplyDeleteI hope someone finds the answer very soon for you. Are you still in the process of sorting meds?
Sorry Jane - only just seen this. Thanks for the hug!
ReplyDeleteYes, we are still in the process of sorting meds. Had a meeting with doctors today. Just very slow progress. Trying to stay optimistic about the end result:-)